“What big teeth you had!” cried Little Red Riding Hood, tasting the grandma carcass soup.
“Porridge!” she shouted wildly, she too having forgotten the safe word.
Jeff drank to forget the pain, which he remembered by eating. Turns out, Jeff has Crohn’s.
“It was like taking candy from a baby,” the doctor thought as he walked down the infantile diabetes ward.
The young man, with the confidence of a horny gazelle, strutted down the street in his flamingo pink suit, his posse of women dutifully trailing behind him, waiting for the promised ice-cream cone that would never come.
Raspberry (noun): Named after the rasping sound the victim makes as the fruit burrows its way into the eyes with a million tiny seedy claws.
“A swath of frog, a pinch of newt; a heart filled with wicked plots.” The witches three cackled as each secretly questioned their subsistence farming lifestyle.
“This is just like toothpaste!” Jeff shouted.
“Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Hammurabi stole the cookies from the cookie jar,” we chanted. “Who, me?” said Hammurabi. “Yes, you,” said we, proceeding to amputate his hands.
Rejected vagina monologues: “It turned out that Bob loved my vagina potatoes, but he loved our neighbor’s carrots even more.”
The sandwich seemed to go on forever, especially if you put your face next to it.
Apparently, so the rejection letter went, the culinary magazine didn’t appreciate “Your Smoothest Children” being listed as one of the recipe’s ingredients.
Jeff opened the fortune cookie. It read, “If you love it so much, why don’t you let it go?”
Samosas were the last victim in the eggplants’ war on delicious flavor.
