One day, Princess Michael Thicklegs snuck outside the castle when her father, the king, wasn’t paying attention, which was always. She found hope and respite within nature’s bosom, as nature continually mistook her thick, hairy legs as squirrels.
“It’s what’s inside that counts,” she whispered, as she placed a tapeworm into my lungs.
“Welcome to zoo. Here we’ve captured some of the most exotic animals in the world. To your left, our most popular exhibit. Yes, she’s adorable. You can hardly even make out the sadness in her eyes anymore.”
The aardvark of a moral universe is long, but it bends toward the juicier ants.
Posted June 29, 2009 at 5:34am in animals
The story of “Goldilocks and the Unspeakably Horrible Tribear Massacre” was quickly edited into a similar story that did not contain the phrase “Goldilock’s beautiful innards strewn casually about the house of death”.
Rejected vagina monologues: “This vagina candle burns bright in the phallic dark, like a weird glowing menstrual ferret.”
The Nidoqueen, pictured here, guards her children with a fierce Wonderbra.
Somewhere, there’s a beautiful universe where the horses are imaginary unicorns that can’t talk or shoot rainbow laser eye beams.
Posted April 21, 2009 at 10:54am in animals
Jeff thought the barbecue sauce slogan “It does do Babe.” was particularly cavalier.
