“It was like taking candy from a baby,” the doctor thought as he walked down the infantile diabetes ward.
Princess Michael Thicklegs got tired of giggling courtesans and gossiping jesters. “Is this the life for me?” she thought, as she massaged her hairy, thick legs.
So began his thankless investigations here in this dingy, littered gas station perched on the knife’s blade between road and desert, civilization and chaos, sobriety and insanity, where he quietly pumped premium deluxe gasoline into his Miata.
Shoot for the moon; if you miss, your body will probably incinerate in re-entry.
The young man, with the confidence of a horny gazelle, strutted down the street in his flamingo pink suit, his posse of women dutifully trailing behind him, waiting for the promised ice-cream cone that would never come.
Once upon a time, there was a widely mocked princess named Michael Thicklegs.
“Shoot when you see the whites of their eyes!” the general shouted, guaranteeing his resounding loss against the notorious 54th Blind Orphan Regiment.
No matter how hard Jeff concentrated on question number three, he could not drown out the relentless tapping of his neighbor’s pencil or the screams of the drowning woman.
“It’s what’s inside that counts,” she whispered, as she placed a tapeworm into my lungs.
Behind the one-way mirror, the scientists with their unkempt hair and untucked shirts observed and took notes. “Yes,” they wrote, “it definitely seems we purchased the wrong kind of mirror.”
It was dark. Our hero grimaced, pulled out his knife, and cut his arm. Marking the ground with his blood, he knew it was going to be a long walk through Harlem.
We bid farewell to the veteran journalist as he left the offices, us on our knees and crying, him with his semiautomatic and laughing.
Raspberry (noun): Named after the rasping sound the victim makes as the fruit burrows its way into the eyes with a million tiny seedy claws.
Stabby People with Knives is filmed live in front a studio audience and, sometimes, behind.
“Thank God it’s secret Friday,” said Jeff to his army of weaponized ninja raccoons.
