May 2009
30 posts
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The burglar would prowl silently in this unsuspecting neighborhood, always on the lookout for a career change.
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As the night progressed, Maria thought Jeff was becoming more and more distant, especially after he started running.
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In retrospect, it was easy to criticize Jeff for shouting “I love Jesussauce” during the Easter ceremony and shotgunning all the holy water.
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As the man was rushed to intensive care and doctors fought for his life, Jeff wondered if it wouldn’t be easier for the doctors to work together. [entirely by Mardeg]
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After playing the computer game for 10 hours, Jeff unlocked the “uncontrollable sobbing” mode.
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Despite Jeff’s defense that he was “too cool for school,” the firefighter internal affairs division still thought it was inappropriate that he stood and laughed as the children unsuccessfully ran out of the burning building.
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Our math porno, Lickingear Algebrassiere 2: Eigensextor, answered many of the questions raised by Lickingear Algebrassiere 1: Sexystems.
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Would I give up my dreams for a car? I would. You can always get new dreams. But you can only run over a hobo in an unregistered vehicle once.
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“Son, everybody farts. / Even fat people? / Especially fat people.”
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The temerity of one man is the anchor of ten or, equivalently, a big old heavy thing.
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The sandwich seemed to go on forever, especially if you put your face next to it.
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“As an old man, I know a thing or two about drugs,” began Jean Valjean’s motivational speech to the kindergarteners.
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As the fifth AMBER Alert was sent out, Dora’s parents began to regret not setting boundaries for exploring Detroit.
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Apparently, so the rejection letter went, the culinary magazine didn’t appreciate “Your Smoothest Children” being listed as one of the recipe’s ingredients.
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Jeff’s job as museum curator was cut short by his insistence that all the exhibits be “sensual friends”.
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“Man, even an auti— / OK, I’m going to stop you right there.”
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And his shirt opened to reveal a control panel.
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Jeff opened the fortune cookie. It read, “If you love it so much, why don’t you let it go?”
It wasn’t long until Dr. Handsy’s medical practice was terminated by several different litigants.
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The Nidoqueen, pictured here, guards her children with a fierce Wonderbra.
The passionate cries of Jordan and his mistress could be heard around the math department, and there was nothing normal about their forms.
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“I’d like to Devil’s Advocate for a moment here and suggest that maybe minorities don’t deserve educations, can a brother get a high five” turned out to be a bad way to start the diversity seminar.
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As far as we knew, it was Jesus who told us how to read. When we complained, “This is boring,” Jesus would throw a book at us, and we shut up. Amid the silence, Jesus would proclaim, “I told you it wasn’t boring,” and we kept quiet because he was right and, also, he had perfect aim.
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Jesus used to be on the debate team, mostly because nobody else tried out for it. When we went against other schools, Jesus would only smile at the prompt and say that it didn’t really matter which position we argued. And then the other person would look confused before he too agreed, and in this way Jesus was kicked out of debate.
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Jesus would always wait for the bus with me, even when it was closer for him to walk to school. He seemed to like to talk to all the people who passed by, even if most people took a look at his socks-in-sandals faux pas before ignoring him.
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Small is the man who belittles others or is born with achondroplasia.
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You never knew where Jeff would end up, especially after he stepped on the landmine.
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“Spiky bus” was listed as the cause of death.
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In retrospect, we could have probably found a better rhyme than anencephaly.